Let’s talk about mental health and idol worship.

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I was 15 when I first tried to kill myself.

I just came home from school and the house was empty. I can’t remember what prompted the action (if there was any recent event that triggered it), but I do clearly remember wanting to end my life so much that I downed x number of anti-depressants all at once.

I woke up some six hours later in the same room. I tested my body; I wriggled my toes and pinched myself to see if I’m still alive. To my disappointment at the time, the answer was yes.

I was 18 when I tried to kill myself for the second time.

This one has been more ‘planned’ for the lack of a better term. Farewell letters were written, a last ‘will’ that includes notes for which possession goes to whom after my death, a goodbye text message was sent.

The letters were, ultimately, scrapped in the end. The attempt failed.

Still, I told myself I’ll never make it past 20.

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